(Temporarily) Satiated Wanderlust

     Just over a month ago, I was itching to go, to travel, to explore. I've had that desire fulfilled now and I'm at least temporarily satisfied to remain at home. In the last month, I've spent time in Canada, South Africa, and Zambia, as well as the US (of course) and stopovers in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, and Rome, Italy. I don't know if stopovers count, especially when they occur from 3am-4am, as the Rome stopover did, but I was still in those countries for a short time.
     I drove into Canada (7 hours of travel), camped in very wet conditions, explored Vancouver, drove home (3 hours of travel), drove to La Conner (2 hours of travel), experienced the Tulip Festival with my wonderful mother, drove home (2 hours of travel), flew to South Africa (28 hours of travel), spent a fantastic week with friends, flew to Zambia (6 hours of travel), spent a weekend with my other family, the Taylors (http://robandjennifer.wordpress.com/ go follow them!), and flew home (36 hours of travel). That last part of was especially taxing. I had an amazing time... but, yea, I'm liking my bed, my mom's food, and a more relaxed schedule. I didn't ever think I'd call calculus relaxed.
     Until I moved to South Africa, I was never a wanderer. Short trips, sure, that's fine. But I intended to grow up and live right where I'd always lived, maybe even in the same house. Now...the whole world is open to me. I've spent time in different lifestyles, and the term culture shock isn't foreign. It would be hard to live elsewhere, but I could do it. I might even want to... More than anything, though, I want to live where God puts me. The opportunities He's given me at such a young age have broadened my horizons and made me consider differed places. What is He preparing me for, I wonder? I can't wait to find out.
     While these last few weeks haven't resulted in culture shock since they were short term, they have been full of experiences. International travel on my own, especially, was new. I had to navigate airports, luggage, visas, customs, and vaccinations (or lack thereof), all on my own. There were times when I was nervous, but now I've done it, I can do it again. I hope to, in the future.
     Each trip has been different and each has been good.

It was good to make new friends while camping in thunderstorms, good to explore the gorgeous forest around Golden Ears provincial park, good to laugh at crazy circumstances.

It was good to spend time with my mom, good to have my camera out and take as many pictures of tulips as I wanted, good to have a schedule that allowed me to wander La Conner, read by lamplight on the porch with the stars above me, and sing hymns in the morning.

It was good to be surprised by special girls with a special birthday dinner, good to have a busy schedule of seeing everyone, mini golfing, watching movies, playing board games, eating good food, good to work on relationships that I want to keep for years to come.

It was good to be part of the Taylor family, good to spend a little time in a second world country, good to talk to Mr Taylor, Mrs Taylor, and Matt.

It was good. And now it's good to be home with those I love.

Quotes, Cliches, and Profound Short Sentences

     I really like all of the above. I have a Pinterest board entitled "Truth & Beauty & Hilarity" full of stuff that makes me nod, smile, or laugh (respectively, or all at once) and a large portion of it has pictures such as the following:

     These are intermixed with pieces of art, some memes, things that bring back memories, stunning photographs of spectacular moments or places of beauty...

     In fact, if you look at that Pinterest board, you can get a pretty good idea of what makes me happy, brings me hope, inspires me. Take that in combination with this blog, my pictures, my journal, etc, and I'm collecting/creating a wealth of information that describes who I am. History tangent: one of the biggest challenges in history is that commoners left little to no evidence of what their daily life looked like. Not so today, with education and access to the Internet and so forth. It will be interesting studying this time period, the Age of Information, in the future: will there be too many sources?  How will they sort through them all?
     Anyway, that said (I'd been reflecting on that wealth-of-information tangent for a while, but didn't really have enough of a reflection to put it in a full post) and back to my original topic: I like collecting adages. They speak to me, and I can easily memorize them and pull them up when I need a reminder.  Bible verses are part of my collection, of course, but quotes from famous people and thoughts from the anonymous internet user are included as well.  So are cliches - I truly believe "There's no time like the present. You can't please everyone. Love is blind. Good things come to those who wait," - Grandma Joy. I've been collecting adages as long as I remember: Mom's been quoting Einstein's "Don't let school get in the way of your education" since I was small, I take note of clever or profound things my teachers say, such as "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the fire department usually uses water," and I write down passages from books that I think are especially meaningful. I come up with my own adages (which I guess are essentially short reflections), too:

"Enjoy today. Remember the big picture. Live for God."

"There will always be those who are better than me, but that does not stop me from being my best."

"Laugh at the stupid stuff."

"Take life one day at a time."

"Lie in the sun, delight in silence, be lazy sometimes, sing loud with the windows down."

"Accept the simple, the imperfect, the abnormal, the normal."

"Find a balance between you, God, and other people. What others say about you is worth listening to, but it does not define you. Your identity is in God, in who He has made you and is making you."

"Be slow to negativity and judgementalism; trust, seek understanding, and love at all times."

"If there isn't a word for what you're trying to say, make one up."

     All of these are pieces of advice that I'm constantly trying to live by. I don't always manage, of course; in fact, I often fail. But then I pick myself back up and try again tomorrow. Life and happiness and obedience to God is a journey of forming habits and laughing at yourself and constantly thanking God for His mercy and grace and forgiveness. One moment/day/year at a time.

     

Beauty in the Midst of Chaos

     My life is insane right now. This weekend I literally did nothing but work and study microbiology, except for going to church on Sunday morning; does that even count as a weekend? I work 10 hours a week, attend school for 4 hours a day, do homework for 5 hours a day, have a 45 minute commute, and I do actually like to see family and friends every once in a while. I try to get 7 hours of sleep, but that doesn't always happen. Lab today, work tomorrow, doctors appointment on Thursday, calculus exam on Friday... I don't mind work. I like being busy! But at times it can get a little overwhelming. That's when I'm thankful for beautiful days like yesterday... let my share my journal entry with you:

     Today was beautiful. As we drove out of tbe fog over the bridge, it gradually melted into visibility. The sunrise was pale against a clear blue sky, just wisps of color in the clouds. We could see all the way to the mountain, where the clouds were turning gold at 7:40. The trees were a dark green and a flock of birds flew silhouetted against the clear morning. There was no wind and the fog coated the miles of trees and land between us and the mountain. Soon, it rolled in off the water and blanketed school. The sun rose, a pale white circle through the clouds. When they burned off, a brilliant, clean blue sky was left for the rest of the day.
   
     This afternoon, I got ready for my run and realised I was excited to get out and move after a weekend of work. I decided to go farther than normal and head out to the bridge that leads to the island. I'm so glad I did. It was about an hour before sunset and the tide was out. The water was calm and still, reflecting the clear blue sky with the wispy clouds just beginning to golden. The cumulus clouds piled up on the horizon.  The dark trees were reflected in the water and the whole scene was caught in the haze of sunlight. A bird was catching a fish in the tidal pools. A man walked alone on the flats. Dead Man's Island was dark against the bright ocean. Behind me, the colorful houses and boats and trees of the suburbs shimmered in the water. As the cars (including a police car) drove around me, I hung off the side of the bridge there, soaking in the warm sun, absorbing the beauty, and grinning at the world.

Water. Trees. Fog. Light. Sun

Colors.

     I didn't get pictures of any of this. It was a day for enjoying and absorbing and waving at people and smiling. Beauty in the midst of chaos.

11 Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice;

    let the sea roar, and all that fills it;

12     let the field exult, and everything in it!

Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy

The Average American

According to the New Strategist, the Average American...

• makes $735/week
• has a landline telephone
• says he/she is in very good or excellent health
• is overweight
• believes the effects of global warming have already begun or soon will 
• is currently married
• lives in one of the top 50 metropolitan areas
• lives in a house built before 1975
• watches 2 hours and 49 minutes of television a day
• drinks alcohol regularly
• pays his/her credit card bill in full each month
• has been to college, but does not have a college degree
• believes in God without a doubt 
• favors the death penalty
• believes in evolution
• wants the government to spend more on education, health care, and the environment
• does not know which political party controls the House of Representatives

• The Average American Household contains 2.6 people, owns 2.28 vehicles, 1.6 dogs, 2.1 cats, and 2.3 birds, and is $75,600 in debt (including the mortgage).
• The Average American Man, between the ages of 30-39, has black hair and a BMI of 29 at 5'9".
• The Average American Woman, between the ages of 30 and 39, has brown hair and a BMI of 26.4 at 5'4".

     Right. Enough statistics.  You don't even have to read all of those to see where I might be going with this post. I fit... let me count... 3.5 of those. That's 17.5% if you want another statistic. No, I didn't just choose statistics that don't match me. I guess I'm not an Average American. In fact, I don't think I know a single Average American. That's interesting, given those facts are based on us.  Where are all the Average Americans described above? I daresay nowhere.

     Each person is an individual.  Each person has passions and hobbies, history and personality.  That is something that no statistic can capture.  Yes, 52% of the population might enjoy scrapbooking (I'm making that up), and that means the enjoyment of scrapbooking is a trait of the Average American, but even that number means very little. One person's scrapbook looks completely different from another person's because each scrapbook reflects the individual who spent time creating it. 

     The Average American is a bunch of numbers that eliminate our uniqueness. Whatever it is that makes me, me, can't be captured in the Average American because it's me, and I'm not Average.  I'm more than Average.  Yet... we still seem to be chasing after this American Dream of keeping up with the Average American (commonly named Jones).  We want to fit in, to be like everyone else. Everyone else, in my opinion, is boring, impossible, and even contradictory. 

     God created each and every one of us. We simply have to look around at creation to see that He has an abundance of creativity, and He applied that creativity to us as well. Psalm 139:13-14 is an oft-quoted passage, but it comes from one of my favorite Psalms and is beautiful each and every time it is used: 

For You formed my inward parts; 

You knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are Your works;

my soul knows it very well. 

     You are not average. You are uniquely, wonderfully you, and you are loved by the One who created you as an individual. 

     Now, I do want to note that I wrote this Average American post from an American point of view mostly because it was easiest to find American statistics. The same message applies, though, to South Africans to Germans to Venezuelans to Malaysians and to any person anywhere.

References:

https://www.avma.org/KB/Resources/Statistics/Pages/Market-research-statistics-US-pet-ownership.aspx

http://press.experian.com/United-States/Press-Release/new-study-shows-multiple-cars-are-king-in-american-households.aspx

http://www.census.gov/prod/2013pubs/p20-570.pdf

http://www.newstrategist.com/store/index.cfm/feature/57_15/50-facts-about-the-average-american.cfm

No, I'm not going to write them up in MLA format. 

Nostalgic Christmas Cheer

     As school ends (last exam was today!), I have more room in my head to focus on the more enjoyable things... like Christmas! And reading, and music, and photography, and crocheting, and selling Christmas trees, and family... all those things, too.  Christmas... it's been in stores since October, and in full swing for a couple weeks now.  Normally, by the time December 25 rolls around, I'm really kind of ready for the whole Christmas season to be done, especially the commercialized part of it. This year... not so much. I found myself singing carols before Thanksgiving (something I make a rule of not doing) and I haven't stopped yet. I'm enjoying the lights and the cheer and everything. We still haven't put up our tree, but I think that's happening this weekend. The Christmas concert is this weekend, the culmination of months of handbell practice. I decided a while ago what my presents would be, so I don't have to worry about that. I still don't like the whole presents vibe... gift giving is not my love language.  What to get, will they like it, what if they don't, what should I ask for, what if there's nothing I want, pretending I like it when I really don't... ugh. And that's self-centered in a way, but it's also not. I still give gifts. I would simply be okay if Christmas were less about boxes under the tree and more about family and Christ.  But! Back on topic! Christmas will be here before I know it!
     Before I know it... part of the reason I'm enjoying this season so much is because it's my kind of last. In nine months, I'll be in college. Sure, I'll come back to visit for the holidays, but there will be a different feel in the house.  This is my last year for really belonging to the traditions.  Childhood... is slipping away. Hence the hesitation in my thoughts. I've been mulling over memories the past couple weeks, pulling out old journals and family photo books, remembering the years and experiences I've gone through. I have not had a perfect life - far from it, with adoption and moving halfway around the world - but I have a had a good life, full of wonderful memories. I slowly turn the pages of the picture books, watching my documented years slip before my eyes. Even amidst pain, I have had a life of laughter and love. I have been given a perspective on life where I can know that struggles pass and contentment is possible as we suffer. And a lot of those memories are coming, not to the end, but to an end. To a beginning as well, but to an end, where my past shifts further into my past.
     I have just a few more months living in this household. A few more months of late night conversations with Teresa, a few more more months of building deep relationships with my siblings, a few more months of being part of this family's day-to-day life. I have to make the most of it. When Jonathon asks for help finding a tree or putting up lights, I need to drop what I'm doing and participate. Even when I should be studying for chemistry. What is an hour of chemistry to an hour of relationship? I want my siblings to look to me as their big sister, ready to talk to when needed, who loves them always. I want to build relationships that will last through years of both pleasant and tough times.
     So I participate whole-heartedly. I take them shopping when they need to buy gifts. I help blow tinsel on the tree. I bake chocolate peppermint cookies. I join them in singing random Christmas carols. When school starts again, I'll again be occupied by other things, but I hope I can do enough now and then to last through my leaving for college. I'll be back next year, but it'll be different. None of my siblings want me to leave.  They're all excited for me, but sorrowful, too. When I come home for any holiday, I'm going to brace myself before I knock on the door. It will be necessary.

 






  Life. Memories. Cheer. Happiness. Sorrow. Christmas. 

     Joyful Nostalgia.

Tell Me a Story

Windy colors

     My life is pretty full right now. Between school and work and college applications and ROTC applications and church and family, I don't really have much time. When I do have time, I'm probably reading or taking pictures or crocheting.  Maybe I'm just sitting, daydreaming; I don't get to do that very often. Okay, all of that to say I'm busy.  A couple days ago, I ought to have been working on an annotated bibliography for history... But I had a week left and after a really nice run through the gusting wind and gorgeously colored leaves slapping me in the face, I couldn't go inside! The colors and movement and light of fall was calling to me and making my shutter-button-finger itch.
     I grabbed my camera, didn't bother to change out of my now-sweaty running clothes, threw my fuzzy boots on, and headed outdoors. Backlighting and yellow leaves and wind blowing had given me some super nice artistic shots on their own, but as I was capturing beauty I was inspired by a story going on around me.  The treehouse, which was a huge renovation project for siblings and friends over the summer, had leaves up the slide and across the deck, the door was hanging off its hinges, and it had a look of abandonment about it.  Our swing set was swinging forlornly in the wind.  The driveway was covered in debris, untouched by bouncing basketballs and running feet.  Thus, I title this set of photos "Abandoned Summer."  It also has ties to growing up, I think...

Forlorn swingset

Look of abandonment

     I love fall, so I wanted to share some of the beauty I captured.  This set also provides a nice intro to what I actually wanted to write about today.  Stories... A week ago (maybe two?) I was driving to the bus stop and the rain drops slid down my windshield, my wipers going swish-swish-swish.  I sat at a red light, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel in time with whatever song was playing on Air 1, when it hit me: I love stories.  Whoa!  Huge revelation!  Not so much... but it truly wasn't a thought that had occurred to me before, at least in this sense.  Yes, I've always loved books with good story lines; I've been an avid reader as long as I can remember.  My love of stories extends further than that, though.  My favorite music is that which tells a story, either through words (Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera, or more contemporary music that doesn't simply repeat words over and over) or through the complexities of the music (classical or jazz).  History is one of my favorite subjects because it's just one huge story, and millions upon millions of stories contained in that one story.  I try and reveal stories through my photography.  I have a love for life because, well, life is a story to which we don't know the ending.  I love my job because I get to work with people who have had a long time to develop their stories.  Maybe one of the reasons I love photographing children is because they are an empty book with so much potential for future stories.  I think a lot of my life revolves around stories!
     God is the writer of perhaps the biggest and most important (to us) story of all - the whole of the one we're in right now.  He's totally in charge.  But He's given us free will to help write our own stories.  How am I going to shape mine?  By taking that free will and surrendering it to God.  By abandoning my own ambitions to the knowledge that God's goals are so much better than mine.  By choosing each and every moment to give it all to Him, and to make that all my best - be it in taking a  chemistry exam, warming up before singing for the children on Sunday morning, being authentic with a friend, in making breakfast for my family, in preparing for whatever future He has in store for me, in photographing His creation, or in serving the residents at the retirement home.  And in taking time to enjoy the beauty of the what He's set around me.

The Choice of Love

        This post took a long time to write and a really long time to start writing.  It’s a long post dealing with a large topic, one of which I can only barely brush the surface.  It’s such a big topic that even with the little part I’m trying to touch on, I’m not sure I represented in the most organized manner.  It’s controversial, in many ways, and open to much discussion.  Love is such a huge part of the Christian life, yet we tend to shy away from in depth talks about it.  I really don’t know why.  Maybe it’s just me and that’s an inaccurate reflection.
        Over the last year and a half, one of my main topics of meditation has been love. As a child, I knew love more as others loving me.  I grew up knowing the Bible verses: God is love, 1 Cor 13, love your neighbor as yourself.  While I would say I loved my parents, my siblings, my friends, it was never a truly deep love.  Love is unselfish, caring only and fully for the other person, and I’ve never lived up to that.  I still haven't (how could I, an imperfect person, experience perfect love towards others?) but I've gotten closer through practice and God's grace.
I want to start with a definition of love that has influenced a lot of my thought processes these last months.  Love: intentionally and intelligently choosing what is best for the other person.  This is the definition given at Oasis last year, and it stuck with me a lot more than I expected it would.  It’s a definition that can be applied to all relationships: friends, enemies, romances, and family.  It crosses great distances, differences, and divides.

First I want to go through some of the qualities of love that have stuck out to me the most, either by example or by study.  By demonstration, a good friend has taught me that love is unconditional – it is caring and understanding, it listens without judging, without thinking less, without disapproving, and it is so because it is full of God.  Love is patient, and, often, that patience is only possible with God’s help.  Love is also not always spilling-over-joyous love, the gooey love our culture associates with romance; it is often a deep-seated honoring love.  As Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, we love by being patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not prideful.  By honouring and looking to the other’s good before our own.  We try not to be angry and irritable, and we keep no record of wrongs.  We forgive and forget.  We always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere.  These qualities we choose to try by God’s grace.  But love isn't always easy.  Just because you hold knowledge of what it's supposed to look like in your head doesn't necessarily mean your actions will always reflect that.

Now I’m going to expand on something I’ve touched on a couple of times in the past two paragraphs: love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice.  Josh McDowell defines love this way: to nurture (bring maturity to) and to cherish (care for and protect).  His definition is probably the result of many years of study and reflection – it’s certainly much more developed than mine is.  Maybe 50 years down the road I’ll get around to defining love.  For now, I’m starting with the idea that love is a choice. Society today has really tried to alter love to only include the feeling part of it, and that definition is probably a cause of many of our problems.  How can we love our coworker if we really don’t like him?  Well, my parents always told my siblings and me that we always had to love each other, even when we didn’t like each other.  In fact, I’m going to paraphrase C.S. Lewis here.  I’ve just been reading his book Mere Christianity, and I think he explains this much better than I ever have.  I am told to love my neighbor as I love myself.  Well, how do I love myself?  I certainly don’t love myself because I’m always nice, always good.  In fact, I love myself in spite of being a rather awful person at times.  So love isn’t based on liking a person.  C.S. Lewis says love is wishing your neighbor good – I say love is a choice.   Choose it or not.

What does this choice look like?  Because love is a choice, it applies to those whom we don't want to love as well. Even when we carry hurt against someone, we cannot abandon him or her in favor of a grudge.  Love is about the other person.  What is best for him?  How can you best serve her?  What does the other person want and need?  It is with the Lord's help that it can be all about the other person, from our hearts to our heads to our actions.  Even through hurt and distance and separation, we can and should still make the choice to love.
Love, in many ways, is simply deciding to put the other person first.  This journey of love started for me first by observing love in others, then by deciding to choose to love one person, then by gradually applying the concept of love as a choice to more and more people.  Some people have been harder to love than others; some people I haven’t gotten there yet.  I ask God to change my heart, show me how to best love a person, and a couple of times He has done so in bigger ways than I was expecting.  In other instances, He’s still working on my stubborn, sinful heart.  I imagine, though, that He has great works of love in my future, in one way or another.