Modest Starts at the Heart: Part 3

Now that we’ve talked about living a life of modesty from an inside out, it’s time for us to share a few tips on dressing modestly. We don’t mean that you have to wear long skirts and baggy shirts or like clothing that don’t show your curves, not at all! If you feel like that is the way God wants you to dress, please do. But I don’t believe that that is the only way a girl can dress modestly.

Also, we don’t want this post to be a list of rules, so I beg you, don’t look at it that way. These are just some standards that we encourage you to have. I read the whole Modesty Survey and tried to base my personal standards on that, I encourage you to do so as well but that is up to you. Please, this should come from your heart as something you choose to do. I’m choosing to dress modestly, I hope you are too.

Here are some tips and tests that we use when dressing. We encourage you to use them too!

When choosing shirts, look for:

1. A neckline that covers your chest.

2. Appropriate fit. (not too tight or short)

Try these tests: (they also work for dresses)

1. Stick your thumbs into your breastbone. Below what your hands cover, your shirt should cover.

Quick Fix: If your shirt does not cover this area, add a tanktop or cami with a higher neckline underneath and do the test again.

2. Bend forward facing a mirror. Can you see down half your shirt?

Quick Fix: Again, wearing a tanktop or cami underneath can really help this. But sometimes it’s impossible. For these cases I usually just make sure to put my hand on the top of my shirt when I bend over.

3. Stand up and turn around. Is the parts where your bra hooks together clearly visible? If so, your shirt is too tight.

Quick Fix: In this case, there is none. The shirt is too tight and must be thrown away.

4. Now bend over facing away from the mirror. Is there several inches of skin showing between the top of your pants and the bottom of your shirt?

Quick Fix: Tanktop or cami underneath can fix this problem. It is more helpful if tucked in.

5. For tank tops and spaghetti straps, if you can see your bra strap, it is immodest.

Quick Fix: Add a thicker-strapped tanktop underneath. A sweater or jacket over is also a cute and modest option.

When choosing pants, look for:

1. Appropriate fit.

2. Not too much skin showing.

Try these tests:

1. Okay, I really dread bringing this up, but it’s not attractive on plumbers or anyone else. Yes, you know what I mean now. Bend over back facing a mirror. Do you see the ever-dreaded crack?

Quick Fix: A belt? If it’s not an issue of too-loose pants, try wearing a longer shirt. If they’re low rise pants, the only thing you can do is wear a long shirt, and if you don’t like that, get rid of the pants.

2. Another problem would be too-tightness. If your pants are hugging your hips and/or butt too closely it can draw attention to those areas. Can you easily stick your hands in your pockets? How about putting your hand inside your pants between the front of your thigh and the front of your pants?

Quick Fix: There is no quick fix for this one. The pants are too small, they’ve got to go.

3. One thing that seems to be really fashionable these days is rips in the pants. When choosing the “distressed” look, make sure there are not rips in the thigh-ish area. Too much skin showing here can be a stumbling block for guys.

Quick Fix: If the hole is large enough to see skin more than a couple inches above the knee, wear a pair of leggings or spandex underneath. If the hole is really large and open, just toss the pants or use them for work pants. This is the point where they start to look junky.
When choosing skirts/dresses look for:
1. Appropriate length.
2. Nontransparent.
3. If there’s a slit, appropriate length of that.

Try these tests:

1. Stand up straight and drop your hands at your sides. Whatever your arms cover and about two inches below that should be covered.

Quick Fix: If the dress/skirt ends where your fingertips are or a little higher, add leggings underneath. If it’s a dress, you could also wear a pair of jeans under it. You could turn it into a pretty cute long shirt. If you don’t like either of these options or it is shorter than specified above, get rid of the dress/skirt. It is too short to wear alone.

2. Look in a mirror. Can you see your underwear through the dress/skirt?

Quick Fix: A slip is the best option here, but you may be able to use leggings or jeans.

3. If your dress/skirt has a slit, check the length of slit. It shouldn’t come above your knee - it isn’t modest if you appear to be covering plenty, but still show up high.

Quick Fix: If you’re handy with thread and needle, you could attempt to sew it up a little, but this can easily become a disaster. I would recommend just getting rid of it.

When  choosing shorts look for:

1. Appropriate length.

2. Appropriate fit.

Try these tests:

1. Use the first test for the dresses/skirts to determine whether or not your shorts are appropriate in length.

Quick Fix: If your shorts are too short, throw them away, there is no quick fix in this case.

2. The second test in the pants department also works here.

Quick Fix: Again, there is none for these poor shorts. Throw them away, they are too tight.

Modesty Starts at the Heart: Part 2

When modesty is mentioned, people automatically think about the way someone is dressing; that’s what automatically pops into our heads, but look at this definition from

dictionary.reference.com:

Modesty:

1. the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.

2. regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.

3. simplicity; moderation.

Notice that not all of it refers to the way someone dresses; in fact, a good bit of it refers to the way someone acts or talks.  When someone has modesty starting at the heart, they don’t just pay attention to the way they dress.  To truly be modest, you have to not act sensually, not try to draw attention to yourself.  Immodest clothes can really accentuate your different postures and make whatever you’re doing come across as bad, but everything can be immodest if you’re acting immodestly.  

    You can never let your guard down, you have to monitor what you’re doing because often we don’t realize we’re doing something wrong.  If whatever position you’re in pronounces a part of your body that shouldn’t be pronounced, you need to change you’re position.  If you walk like an advertisement, that’s exactly what’s going to happen, and that needs to stop too.  Walk and act like you’re a princess of God, because that’s exactly what you are.

    Malea mentioned the Modesty Survey last week, and there are some really helpful surveys regarding behavior.  Boys rated things like ‘A girls position or posture can be a stumbling block’ (35 disagrees, 97 neutrals, 518 agrees, 331 strongly agrees.) and ‘Seeing a girl take off a pullover (i.e. a shirt that must be pulled over the head) is a stumbling block, even if she is wearing a modest shirt underneath.’  (348 disagrees,  180 neutrals,  296 agrees).  For that last one, many of the boys who commented said no, but it would be better if we could wedge our arm into our shirt, and pull it off that way.  

While wearing modest clothes is a great start to being modest in your heart, you’ve also got to pay attention to how your acting and how that may affect the people, especially boys, around you. 

Modesty Starts at the Heart: Part 1

Maybe you have been told over and over by your parents, people at church, perhaps even your older siblings to dress more modestly. Maybe not. It could be that you have struggled in the past on this issue but think you do a good job at covering your body now. If you have grown up in a Christian home, have Christian friends, or go to church, you have most likely heard the term “modest” referred to as a way of dressing. It is - but it is so much more than that. It can’t be limited to a list of rules because, really, it starts at the heart. It has to be something you’re working towards not only in the way you dress, but in your heart as well. Since I really began to understand it, I have always wanted to dress modestly. A few months ago, however, I started to think about pushing the limits a little bit. Like wearing a shirt I knew was too low in the neckline. I would ignore my conscience saying “uh-oh, this is gonna attract attention to the wrong areas” because, well, I felt like I wanted attention attracted there. And it wasn’t as bad as most girls I see … And if I wear it just this once, it couldn’t hurt anything ...
Okay, ladies, I know what you’re thinking. Don’t tell me that you never have thoughts along those lines because every girl has at sometime or other. Whether that shirt I decided to wear that day was as bad as the way most girls were dressing or not, I didn’t do the right thing by wearing it. Here are the reasons why:

1. I knew in my heart that it was going to attract attention to the wrong places.

2. I went against what my conscience told me I should do.

3. I had to reason to myself that it was okay. (Not to mention the bad reasoning)

Bottom line is; modesty starts at the heart. If I dress immodestly but deep-down don’t know that I’m doing wrong, I’m much better off than if I had pushed the limits to make myself appear as “hot” as possible without showing much skin. God has been working in my heart lately to want to dress modestly and act modestly without pushing limits. I read the Modesty Survey on the Rebelution website which really change my outlook on that. It encouraged me to change my heart about the whole thing and not think of it as something I have to do but something I want to. I was very excited to find that Christian guys really do appreciate modesty and that’s something most of them will look for in their future wife.

Beauty Tip of the Week: Less is More

Okay, so you’ve probably heard the saying “less is more” right? Well, in my opinion, that saying works really well when it comes to makeup. I only wear a little bit of eyeliner, some mascara, and chap-stick. When I want to look especially nice, I put on some lip gloss that I got for Christmas last year. I want to make my best features “pop” rather than over-throwing them with layers of makeup. I know how fun it is to “mess around” and experiment with different makeup but ladies, makeup doesn’t make you beautiful. What makes you beautiful is your heart, your personality, and your face before you put on your makeup. There isn’t anything you need to change about yourself, you’re perfect just the way you are.

 

Our Reflections

Allow us to introduce ourselves: our names are Sara and Malea.

I (Malea) have a pretty normal life. I wish I could say that I live on the moon and have an alien as a pet or something, but I can’t. I have lived here in Washington my whole life. I was born and raised in a Christian home - my Dad is a pastor. I guess that’s something not normal about me, not a lotta people can say that they’re P.K.s. I gave my life to Jesus when I was just five years old and have been loving him ever since. Of course, there has been some times when I’ve doubted that he even existed ... I’m definitely far from perfect. But right now I am very committed to living my life for Him and I pray I always will be. I love my life, and my friends, and my family. Some of my dreams are to become a photographer, marry Prince Charming, and adopt. Recently, I have promised God that I will live a life of purity, not just physically but emotionally and mentally, too. The last part I have struggled with - it’s so easy to let my imagination run away with me! I’m hoping that this blog, Reflections on Life, will help me keep my thinking straight and focused on God.

I (Sara) am also a pretty normal teen.   Both of my parents are Christians, as is my whole extended family, so I’ve never known anything but Christianity; I accepted Jesus when I was four or five.  When I was 10, my family adopted from Zambia.  That is really what has put the most stress on my life and caused me to doubt God most; we all have our doubts, that’s just the cause of mine.  I’m constantly fighting with Ivan, but I’m learning to put those hurts and even hopes in God, and that only He is worthy to hold up under them.  Next year, my family is moving to South Africa for Dad’s work; he’s a manager at World Vision.  That is scary, and none of my friends want me to go, but I’m also putting my fears on God, and He will help me pull through.  Other than those two things, I live an ordinary life.  I have 5 siblings, I am in 9th grade, I attend youth group weekly at Chapel Hill Presbyterian Church, and I love hanging out with my friends.  

Even though we are Christians and will talk about God and the Bible a lot in our blog, we want you to keep reading whether you have a relationship with Jesus or not. We don’t want to shove Him down your throat but we are going to write from a Christian view point ...

In this blog we are going to talk about things like makeup, guys, fashion, purity, media, modesty, and everything in between.  We are going to share our struggles, tastes, ideas, commitments, and even some of our mistakes. Our goal is to encourage you to start/continue your journey towards purity as fellow teen girls. (Because we’re probably going through similar things you’re going through.)

If you would like to ask us any questions, we would love to hear from you! You can contact us by emailing to: reflections.on.life764@gmail.com

Also, in the future, we will be switching on and off between who writes the posts. When Malea is writing, it will be in the color blue, when Sara is writing, it will be in purple, and when we do a post together it will be black.

A Reflection by Sara and Malea.