That Friday, Dad came home from work and told us things had changed and we were moving out of South Africa, and while it was probable we would return to the US, it was still unsure. Prior to that dinnertime conversation, it had been very likely Dad would get another job here in South Africa and we would be staying another two years, but God obviously has other plans for us. While Dad was telling us, I went into a state somewhere between frozen shock and hysteria. While those words may seem big and exaggerative, that's how I described it to my friend at the time. I had been disappointed that I wouldn't be moving back to the states, but what good was a negative attitude? So I had allowed myself to become excited about staying, since it was so likely. I had mentally prepared myself for staying in South Africa, continuing to build relationships with my new friends, and graduating in a year and a half.
When you're ready for something to happen, and the opposite does, it's stressful and harsh; change so often is. I knew moving back would probably be as hard as staying here, since things have changed there and I wasn't there to change with them. I have changed in a different direction, and I've gotten a firm footing here, made good friends, and gotten involved with church; I'm going to miss the people here. That's why I cried that night, and why I've been more stressed since then.
After a couple days passed, I started to find the positives again - as I said earlier, what good is a negative attitude? I'll be able to get my driver's license, we get to become involved in Bible Quizzing again, and the houses are warmer. It was likely we'd be leaving just after mid-year exams end, in late-July, so we still had two and a half or three months with friends, but just as I got used to that idea it changed again - there was a possibility we were leaving early July instead... more tears. And once I'd gotten used to the idea of leaving earlier, it reversed, and it was likely we would again leave just after exams. Another round of tears.
I tried my hardest to maintain that positive attitude, but I have my downs; I've succumbed to tears. Change is hard - that's all there is to it. But God works through the change; He makes us stronger and draws us to Him, and He has plans for us where He's leading us. Now Dad's been offered a job back in our hometown and we're going to be moving back to our old house, old church, old friends. That's where we're at right now, but who knows what could change tomorrow? And I intend to trust God through it - what more can I do?
